The Last Time I saw my Girlfriend

The last time I saw my girlfriend she was lying in bed, waiting for her real, more interesting life to begin.  A life without me it transpired, though I didn’t know that at the time.

‘You not getting up?’ I asked her.

‘Nah, I’m going to stay here.  See what happens.  The future starts here I reckon.’

‘Isn’t that a little…passive?’ I asked her.  ‘Don’t you have to go looking for a fresh start?’

‘You have seen my legs right?  And you have felt them wrapped around you?  With these legs, something’s bound to happen in my life.  It’s really only a matter of time.’

I tried explaining to her that she was colluding with the patriarchal and potentially misogynistic objectification of her body parts.  But she didn’t seem to be listening.  ‘There is so, so much more to you than your beautiful legs’ I concluded.

‘You’re so right.  Just look at these two puppies,’ she said, lifting up her t-shirt.

I have to admit that I’d always found them profoundly persuasive: I simply couldn’t argue with their compelling logic, their age-old wisdom.  ‘You make a strong case,’ I admitted.

‘I know, right?  There are other things I could show you if you need any further convincing.’

‘It’s fine,’ I said.  ‘You’ve made your point.’

‘Besides, I’ve already made arrangements to get me some new friends,’ she said.  ‘And they are all extremely talented and very funny.’

‘I’ll leave you to it then?’ I asked her, reaching down for my jeans.

‘You do that,’ she said, rolling away from me one last time towards whatever it was she was hoping for.

 

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9 thoughts on “The Last Time I saw my Girlfriend

    1. Thanks Liz…er…I think…so what you’re saying is it’s good in marked contrast to the others! Just kidding – I can take it. There are some longer ones which are bit more like this…..just if you’re interested…..don’t feel obliged and all that….

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      1. I might have to poke around for those 🙂 I haven’t been following you for very long, so this is the first long-form post that I’ve noticed. Sorry for the lack of clarity in my previous comment: I adore your briefer pieces – I see them as funny little commentaries on life. I also appreciate this one, and I think it appeals to me so much because it circles back at the end to the beginning – as good stories do – not just in the physical sense (seeing the girlfriend lying in bed), but also in the narrator’s state of mind (having a sense of incomplete knowledge). For this post (as with the others that I salute merely with a “like”), I bid you a hearty Well Done!, and thank you for sharing your work 🙂

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  1. No, no it’s fine – I was only kidding! Thanks for your very generous comments. These are just doodles really but the blogs gives me a chance to try out stuff and provide a discipline of writing often and bunging it somewhere. Feedback, of course, is always helpful and has kept me going – it can feel like you’re shouting into an empty cave at times…..thanks again Liz.

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    1. Oh goodness, I really am terrible at detecting written jokes! I enjoy the blogs & use them for similar reasons: to remind myself to just write something and to not stop, and also to find some inspiration in others’ works, to mix into the pot. Feedback can be a tricky thing I think (if you’re writing to maximize appeal), but I do feel that a collection of good people have found their way to the blogs, and we have quite a supportive community 🙂

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  2. Oh wow, I’m honored by your nomination – thank you!! I’ve always wondered how I’d respond to requests for guest posts & recognition-based of things, but this is the first I’ve ever had. I may even go through with it… but regardless, I do deeply appreciate your nomination.

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