The new chief executive launched her strikingly bold strategy. Look, she said, I know the stuff we’ve been discussing today is wholly irrelevant to the lives of anyone on the planet but we need to pretend it actually matters . That way, she said, we can give ourselves the illusion of significance. Otherwise we’ll have nothing to mitigate the complete oblivion awaiting us in just a few short months. Excellent plan, they all agreed, nodding to each other.