Verbal Remedies

I went to the doctor in search of a cure for my chronic inability to face facts.

“Doctor, doctor,” I said, “I have no idea why I keep persisting.  I need to know – what are my chances?”

She looked at me with warmth and concern.  “Well, I’m afraid they’re minimal I’d say.  At best.”

“But doctor, is there really nothing I can do?”

“Well, because it’s you, I’m going to suggest something non-traditional.  How about a verbal remedy?”

“What’s that?” I asked.

“Try using the word shenanigans.  Or malarkey.  Those ones always help.”

“Excellent,” I said, feeling better already.  “What about skedaddle?”

“Yes, that might work,” she said.  “Although the research is inconclusive.”

“Doctor,” I told her, “you are a complete nincompoop!”

“Er, thanks.  But actually, just for the record, I dispense the verbal remedies thank you very much.  We don’t need any of that alternative malarkey around here.”

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