Albert learns that his favourite joke might be a private one

Albert’s favourite joke is as follows.  Each day he attempts some sit-ups.  He can reach about twenty before he has to give up.

But if someone comes into the room during his brief exertions he always starts counting.

‘One hundred and twenty three,’ he says as he completes his fifth sit-up.  ‘One hundred and….twenty….four.’

Albert loves this joke so much he can sometimes laugh about it alone.

LITTLE KNOWN AILMENTS OF THE MODERN AGE #4365

knee

Shopper’s Knee – a chronic condition predominantly affecting men when on shopping expeditions with female partners. Often mistaken for an attack of selfishness, the only known remedy is immediate rest and a swift intake of alcohol in a nearby bar.  The condition is indiscriminate: it can suddenly strike down men of all ages, during the weekly purchase of household sundries or, more commonly, the seasonal extended search for clothing.  (See also Chronic Family Gathering Fatigue [CFGF])

 

The Aural Distortions of the Great and the Good

I get quite a few heckles when out running of an evening.  I’m not quite sure why.

Here are some of my favourites.

“Run home, running man,” which I love because it makes no sense.

And then there was the very posh lady outside the restaurant who told me off for wearing shorts in winter.  When I ignored her, she shouted after me, ‘You stupid arse!’

But my absolute favourite one came from a speeding car.  The aural distortion of the obscenity made me chuckle as I ran.

“Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaankerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.’

Albert learns that he’s not quite as fast as he’d once hoped

Strangely, the sight of Albert jogging provokes some very strong responses. Stupid arse, a respectable-looking elderly lady bellowed after him for wearing shorts in winter.  And then there was that woman in stilettos who chased him down the street with her long balloon.  Here’s the worry: she gained on him.