Albert learns that the present continuous is a useful thing to think about when you want to really relax

Albert decides that the present isn’t just now.  The present continuous stretches back to when humans first evolved and then right up to when we’ll live as almost endless computers.  We’re not so significant, Albert decides, that each day has any value.

Carpe diem?  Nope, Albert decides, let the day be: seize the epoch and grab the millennium by all means.  Bring your ancestors, friends and descendants along for the ride.  But squander some days if you wish.  Because life’s too precious to worry about wasting the odd day here and there.

And with this thought Albert lets his Sunday paper fall to the ground and returns to the serious business of snoozing in the garden.

Albert learns that back in the day Heraclitus might have been onto something

Whenever Albert starts working somewhere new he tries to re-invent himself.  This time, he tells himself, I’m going to be so organised.

But within few weeks, Albert always finds himself surrounded by piles of disorganized papers.

“Turns out,” he says to himself, “that your character is your fate after all.”